An attractive young couple asked me what kids are like on snow days. Snow is pure and clean and beautiful. It paws playfully at tree branches, and caresses the corners of the yard. It’s peaceful. It’s calm. It’s the dream of greeting card aesthetes. Snow Day Kids, on the other hand, are wound up Filipino gamecocks, fiercely tearing at each other’s eyes and feathers with razor sharp beaks, and claws. They’re flapping, and pecking and spitting, and trying to turn each other inside out, and then I win 100 dollars on the spunky short kid with the weird beak because NOBODY thought that kid would survive. If there’s a snow storm outside, there’s a shit storm inside, and EVERYBODY IS GROUNDED UNTIL 9:00 AM TOMORROW I SWEAR TO GOD GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM.