When I was a kid my school bus was cancelled, I swear to god, like zero times. There’d be snow up to our armpits, and the bus would just drive faster. It was really cold, too. We’d burn our lunch bags for heat. After we ate the half dozen apples mom packed for my lunch, we’d have to kill a boar for food. Then I had this wicked dream about a swarm of flies, and this Piggy kid kept going on about law and order or some such so he died, and then the jungle caught on fire, and things got a little weird from there.