I was in a lifeboat designed for ten and ten only. Anything that systematic would get you hated.

Nautical Disaster, The Tragically hip

Clifford the Big Red Dog is a loosely veiled metaphor on communism and 1960’s America. Discuss.

Speaking of cold war paranoia, I met a woman once who believed the government was watching her through her tv, and tracking her when she used her bank cards. I for one applaud our governments use of imaginary surveillance to keep tabs on the crazy people. Anyway, she was a hoot.

The sun will rise in the morning. I’m going to have a drink at six. That’s my faith.

Johnny Worricker (Bill Nighy), Page Eight

If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we could really bust some heads! In a spiritual sense, of course.

Ray Stantz, Ghostbusters

Happy Halloween, folks!

A “team building dinner” as a reward for hard work is like being given Benedryl as a reward for taking Buckley’s.

A sign in Kingston General Hospital reads “Future Appointment Scheduling”. I’m not going to schedule an appointment in the past, and given the context the only thing I would schedule there is an appointment. So the entire sign could have been simplified to just Scheduling, and it would have saved all of you having to read this stupid post. Send invoices for lost wages to KGH.

Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.

George Bernard Shaw

First off, a big round of applause for a really top shelf apocalypse! Best turnout since ’75! Secondly, there was a slight hiccup with the backup of this Universe so we had to restore to 6pm from a neighbouring Universe instead. You might notice a few small differences, like green foliage, and a more reasonable number of appendages. Anyway, good job everybody! See you in 2012!

I tried explaining to my 19 month old daughter that she can’t have a stomach bug weekdays between the hours of 7 am and 9 pm, because the electricity required to continuously run the washer and dryer during mid and peak hours is cost prohibitive. She nodded. Then threw up on my sweater.

So we’re down to the wire, and Santa has yet to be vocal on the good vs bad judgement process, his security, collection and storage policies regarding this data, and our legal recourse on disagreement with his judgement. The days of opaque leadership are over, Mr. Santa. WE WANT TRANSPARENCY.