My first thought this morning, after opening the two year old’s bedroom door to wake her for breakfast, was how cozy she must be under all those covers. I can’t even see her little head! Haha. My second thought was, how long have you been under the bed?

An attractive young couple stopped me on the street the other day, as they seem to do from time to time, to ask me what it’s like when your youngest baby isn’t really a baby anymore. Well, It’s kind of an emotional topic, as you can imagine. On one hand your baby is becoming a beautiful, probably smart, independent kid, needing you less for this, and needing you differently for that. You’re basically saying a slow good bye from the moment they can walk. On the other hand – and this is the uplifting part – that fucking good for nothing designless piece of shit scrap of root rot they called a crib can finally eat worms and die. So, you know, life is kind of beautiful.

It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.

Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

I’d like to take a moment to talk about these chives. We bought this chive plant honestly like 15 years ago from some run-of-the-mill garden center. Grew it in a box on 2 different apartment decks for 10 years. Moved here, and put it in the ground. It nearly died last year because of that asshole of a spirea and this year it’s bigger than life. Anyway. Love this thing. LOOK AT THE FLOWERS ON IT.

The bank gave us a better mortgage rate after I misremembered the offer from a competing lender as lower than it actually was. I am the Accidental Negotiator!

Lawn mower has a new battery, oil change, new spark plugs, new air filter, sharpened blades, and inflated tires. Bought a new grass trimmer today, too. So now I can cut the lawn, you know, ugh, whenever. I don’t know. Sometime? STOP PESTERING ME I’M VERY BUSY SERIOUSLY.

What sucks though, is a riding lawn mower that runs fine in a garage, then refuses to start once outside. What’s great is that it can be coaxed back into operation by what can only be described as “strong threats of tinkering” by a mechanically unskilled owner, over confident in the belief that the problem will be obvious once the ass end of the lawn mower is removed. Runs like a dream now.

Sometimes I like to whistle jazzy versions of Iron Maiden songs because I blew out 3 tons of crusty mucus through my nose at 4:30 this morning and that’s the sort of thing you do when your brain is remote viewing Mars on a work day.