An assortment of Christmas thoughts

December 24, 2013 | Blog

  • Apparently having the kids compete in a kind of blood sport to earn their gifts Christmas morning is frowned upon.
  • Old Krampus hasn’t come and dragged the kids to Hell yet, so I guess Christmas is still on.
  • I thought there was something wrong with my tv, but it was just a really long slow motion montage in a Hallmark Christmas movie.
  • Did everyone shake down their Christmas trees for squirrels and homeless cats?
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School bus memories

November 27, 2013 | Blog

When I was a kid my school bus was cancelled, I swear to god, like zero times. There’d be snow up to our armpits, and the bus would just drive faster. It was really cold, too. We’d burn our lunch bags for heat. After we ate the half dozen apples mom packed for my lunch, we’d have to kill a boar for food. Then I had this wicked dream about a swarm of flies, and this Piggy kid kept going on about law and order or some such so he died, and then the jungle caught on fire, and things got a little weird from there.

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Scarlet the cat

July 25, 2013 | Blog

The Great Mouse Tormentor. Scourge of the Food Bowl. The Master Napper. Scarlet the Cat, died today at 15 years of age. So it goes.

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A diary of a home renovation project

July 4, 2013 | Blog

Wherein the author, with very little home renovation experience, attempts to complete a bedroom and office space in the basement of his home in preparation for baby #3 (code name Omega) who is due in July.

Friday, March 1, 2013

You know what’s getting it’s ass handed to it today? This fucking wall, that’s what. YOU. WILL. SUBMIT. Back to the reno.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Having beat my wood all week I’ve come to the conclusion that carpenters must know a shit ton of penis jokes.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I take back what I said before, carpenters only know one penis joke, it’s just variations on wood, hammering, nailing and screwing and possibly something about a crowbar but that’s outside my clubhouse. I’m looking for a licensed electrician, and possibly a dry waller but only for the mudding and sanding.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

I just pulled a metal sliver out of my finger LIKE A FUCKING MAN. Time for tea. #itwasthereforaweek

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

The electrician is here!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Oh no! I forgot a switch at the far end of the hall! Electrician, come back! Next up – drywall quotes.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Like many of you, I’m wired to think I can do anything. After a couple years of home ownership, I no longer feel the urge to prove it.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Electrician came back and added the extra hall switch! Drywall quote this afternoon. Tomorrow afternoon I hit Home Depot for some long weekend supplies.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Maybe another drywall quote! Yikes!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Last week, the electrician corrected the order of the two light switches that control the stair lights and the hall lights, but they were opposite for so long I’m now forever turning on the stair light when I want the hall light. haha DAMN YOU MUSCLE MEMORY.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

While the short kid sleeps, I’m taking a break from the few nails I have left that would finish the framing, to start the central vac extension into the basement hallway. Of course now that I’m standing here looking at how these pvc pieces go together, I realize I could have used three more pvc elbows and possibly a real hack saw not a what-ever-the-hell-this-thing-is I found in the garage. On the plus side that pvc glue shit is TRIPPY.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Went to the hardware store at lunch looking for angle boots for the heat vents. I was confronted with an assortment of sizes. I got the 4″ because the sign said Standard 4″. I’ll return them on Wednesday for the 3″. In other news, I get to sniff more glue tonight, as I also picked up the 2 missing pvc elbows I need to finish the central vac. That’s one less than I had previously stated as I was able to design on entire elbow out of the plan. That’s cost savings, bro!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I spilled the entire tin of pvc glue last night, sparing just enough to finish the central vac extension. This is the last time we speak of it.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

MOST of the drywall arrived yesterday. They missed a few boards, which will be delivered today. THE DADS and I will put up the boards this weekend, please no rubbernecking.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Drywall is being mudded and taped as we speak.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

After some trouble earlier in the month deciding on who/how to do the drywall, and a sudden rush last week to hit a flooring sale at HD, we realize now we’ve given only a cursory thought to paint. So, decisions must be made posthaste! This weekend we prime.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Last day of drywalling today. It’s a painting weekend!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I think I just coughed up a gypsum board. May try to return it to Rona.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Painting has begun! I put on one coat of primer this past weekend. This week, a second coat of primer, and ceilings. OH MY GOD ARE WE DONE YET?

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Was looking up how to unclog central vac plumbing when I remembered the basement cover was off for painting. HAHASOTIRED.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Ceilings are painted. Hallway and stairwell walls are painted. Bedroom and office walls this week, flooring starts this weekend. I’m starting to wonder if this was maybe a lot of work just to have a place to hang my Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom posters.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Why are wall sconces so complicated? Stop with the dangly shit and curves and different things and layers of stuff and the shaded whatever. Give me a frosted glass box. Make it float on my wall. Completely hide the fixture, nobody cares how it works. The whole thing is just light. I don’t want to notice it, but when I look at it I want to be amazed at how beautiful a simple glass box can be. Design is easy when you stop fucking around and make what I want.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

The lawn tractor fairy came last week! I admit I was a little hesitant – this particular fairy tends to store broken shit in my garage. But this old thing actually works as expected. Time saved for wall painting!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Painting finished, underlayment and half the bedroom laminate put down. Handy laminate flooring tip – use a bit of scrap laminate and a mallet to help encourage those few stubborn boards that don’t just fall into place. Electrician is here this morning to put in the receptacles and switches. BASEMENT RENO CONTINUES DEAR GOD WHEN WILL IT END.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Office light went in this week, because I happened to have it from our time in Ottawa, and I got all excited when the electrician finished. Flooring is down in the bedroom with 1 board left over. I would have had more remaining if I got along better with numbers. I swear to God the walls move when I’m not looking. Office underlayment goes down this evening, flooring next week. June will be all doors and trim, which is this psychological milestone to me that says you’re nearly done, chin, chin. July is Omega’s due date, but no pressure.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Planning the office flooring this morning before work, and I think I’m going to be short by a box, plus there are a handful of damaged boards in the boxes I have. It isn’t a laminate that is typically in stock at HD, we got lucky when we bought it that they happened to have a pallet for a flooring sale. So I’ll likely have to order it. Nuts.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Well, good news. HD had lots of the flooring in store. Office floor is now finished. Lighting is done in both rooms. Vent covers are all in. On to doors! Starting this evening on the bedroom closet.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Closet jamb is up. I need to get paint for the trim and doors before I can put up the bi-fold door track, etc. I tried matching the upstairs trim colour based on paint chips since I am fairly confident I know the brand used, but that shit is stupid. I’ve been a visual designer a long time, and I still get surprised by the variations in white paint. Colour matching instead. We had a white cat once. We are all grateful to have survived. Measuring bedroom door this morning, God help me not to screw that up. BASEMENT RENO CONTINUES CLOCK IS TICK TICK TICKING.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Door frames are up. Doors required no shortening, planing or trimming. Who’s yer daddy? On to baseboard and casing! Making a material run after work. Going slightly narrower with the casing than upstairs to better fit a couple tight spots. One is entirely my fault, we won’t speak of it. The other is just what you get when you put a hallway ceiling under the house beam and duct work, and still demand reasonably sized doors meant for adult people. Off topic, there isn’t a single mirror in this house I don’t have to stoop to look into.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Trim be damned! I moved into my office anyway. Kid A gets moved downstairs next weekend. BASEMENT RENO CONTINUES ALBEIT WITH LESS PRIORITY AS WE PREP FOR OMEGA.

Monday, June 24, 2013

If a young couple were to ask me about me about planning weddings I’d describe to them how nutty it is that perfectly rational, smart women believe they can organize what is arguably the largest event in their lifetime, when they have had no prior event planning experience, and without completely losing their minds. This morning I was painting baseboard in the garage when I was reminded that I’m involved in this basement reno not because I’m experienced, but because it has to be done and I’m at the front of the how-hard-can-it-be line. Like any other perfectly rational, smart woman. So me and the universe had a good chuckle about that and then I punched it in the nose.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

I was able to finish all the baseboard and casing in the new bedroom on Saturday, so we were able to get Kid A moved in over the weekend. She’s a happy new occupant! Only the oak ledge to completely finish her room, and I’ll do that when I do the one in the office. The office still needs the casing and baseboard finished, but I’m taking a break from this business for a couple weeks to catch up on some neglected gardening while we wait for Omega to arrive. ANY DAY NOW.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

So concludes Project Omega!

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Subtle, universe

June 26, 2013 | Blog

I swear to God this is true. With no prompting from me, my computer just interrupted the CBC radio stream in iTunes to play Monty Python’s Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. Subtle, Universe.

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Loons keening

June 21, 2013 | Blog

I just heard loon calls referred to as loons keening. I’ve never heard it described that way before. It’s perfect.

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Parenting is like peeing in a room full of people

June 6, 2013 | Blog

If a young couple were to ask me what it’s like to be a parent, I’d tell them it’s like peeing in a room full of people, because I swear to God I haven’t been without an audience in the bathroom since 2009, and all that’s missing are score cards and applause. 10!

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And I didn’t even lose a nail

May 2, 2013 | Blog

Know what’s better than getting your fingers caught between the articulated panels of a closing garage door? NEARLY ANYTHING ELSE EVER.

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C is for Cookie

April 30, 2013 | Blog

C is for Cookie, that’s good enough for me. Cookie, cookie, cookie, starts with C.

Cookie Monster
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Death and taxes

April 5, 2013 | Blog

Death and taxes. At least death doesn’t come with paper work.

Tax form asks “Were you confined to a prison or similar institution for a period of 90 days or more during the year?” to which every parent in Canada replies “Define similar institution.”

Also, to the wife: “…is Ryan dependent upon you because of a mental or physical impairment?” which raises interesting questions about the nature of love, and attraction, and possibly sexual deviancy, but ultimately the answer is no.

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